from MY LIFE WITH EVAN DANDO POPSTAR
by Kathleen Hanna

I will become the murderer if there’s only two choices. I am mass murdering all rockstars in my head. I like to kill pretty boys by fucking them and then rolling over like nothing happened. They wanna hold me and pretend we are in Love only I will not engange in any Lying Behavior w/ them. "You were just a fuck" I say. My barefeet like the kitchen door and the sound of the popstar finding his shoes. Goodbye.

I have to remember that THE MAN (who shall remain nameless cuz HE doesn’t matter anyway, fucker) kilt them NOT cuz of ANYTHING they did but cuz HE felt outta control and needed some way to feel IN CONTROL.

This is what I am doing only I am justified.

Besides I’m only murdering in my head.

I hate pretty boys cuz they get all the good parts of being female (clothes, jewelry, hair slutpower) ONLY none of the bad ones (rape, murder, poverty). I hate Evan Dando cuz he’s so much prettier than me. Because I hate him my cunt is uncontrollably wet.

Marc Lepine, the guy who killed the 14 women in Montreal (I am always going back on my word) is cloned. He is generic "CRAZY GUY." I love isolated crazy guy killer theories because it makes it seem so easy. Ted Bundy’s dead , and so, ALL MY PROBLEMS ARE OVER. ha. ha. ha.

I am a punk star who is a slutty feminist bitch and isolated crazy Marc Lepine guy goes to the show. He is in Love/Hate with me and he has a gun. I look like I have good muscles in my legs. Evan Dando, who doesn’t know me yet, is eyeing the muscles in my legs.

I am staging songs about and elusive society that is fucking me over into an expensive microphone. I am doing the lowest common denominator thing cuz I am singing to a bunch of rich people who I hate.

I am convinced that rich people will slowly starve me to death if they think I am talking serious shit on them and/or having fun.

Mark Lepine is a retard. (Not like being retarded is wrong or bad... I am guilty... I am guilty) He has no friends and no one likes him but he is not cool. He’s into the rugged individualist thing. He hates women OR allows his self hate to manifest itself as, that word, misogyny. He’s got his hands on the trigger of some gun.

Evan looks just like this one boy who tore my guts out and displayed me as a public humiliation. He should be happy I have chosen him to stalk. He askt for it by looking like he does. Like the "beautiful" victim who finds fame in death (yeah, right) he wants to be my victim.

Evan has long hair like a girl. The synapses in his brain are dirty from drugs. He searches through a bag that only has a shirt in it for the other thing (cigarettes) even though they are laying right next to him. This kind of stupidity is supposed to be cute. I want to slap his little behind as a punishment only he is sitting on it. cute.cute.cute.

Marc Lepine is so uncool that he doesn’t even know how boring I am. You don’t stop Revolution by killing bank tellars you know.

So, Evan is a hot babe, I’ll admit to this. Hot like a 13 year old virgin. He knows nothing. I am wondering on the size of his cock. I [heart] Tall Boys. Tall boys, oh yeah. Evan’s got eyes that squint in the sun when he talks about surfing.

I know why Valerie Solanis shot Warhol and not the president -- cuz everyone knows politicians are corrupt BUT Warhol was trying to act like he was questioning notions of fine art (transcendance, biological determinism) thru the imitation of mechanical reproduction. {The destruction of the master artist via technology} ONLY Warhol was for real exploiting certain people (workers) and certain Revolutionary concepts IN ORDER TO buy himself two thousand dollar "Black Mammy" cookie jars.

Valerie Solanis shot Warhol to stop co-optation and also to be funny.

On the magazine HE (evan dando, duh) reclines, the picture is like he just fucked you and then he’s rolling over to ask you if you wanna smoke another joint with him, "or what," he says, "or what."

Marc Lepine raises the gun above his head. No one hears it go off except the people standing right next to him. Who may or may not have SEEN the gun. Evan is in the front row staring at me when the bullet shoots straight thru my head.

Marc Lepine is tyring to escape the building. He’s actually being smart by trying to look Natural. Everyone is running or trying to run for the door.

No one who saw the gun will stop Marc Lepine for fear of getting shot.

Evan is lying over me.

"I don’t even know you."

"I love you and don’t want you to die."

The version in the papers has Evan’s hippy hair all caked in blood as he peers into the ambulance.


.......


Dear Evan Dando

I am what is not supposed to be -- a female stalker.

Amy + Nancy Wilson of Heart got 2 or 3 stalkers a year... And Joan from Jett gets crazy people following her too. I NO WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ME (did I mention I am a punk star?) My picture was in Newsweek magazine, I have a bikini on and my FULL NAME is followed by the words "feminist" "stripper" and "incest victim." I am going to the store to buy a shirt that says KILL ME on it.

They say that the 14 women who got murdered in Montreal wre just getting punished for being feminist (hating men) ONLY I KNOW they got kilt for breathing. For existing. Please remember this. Please remember this.


.........


He earns his money the good old fashioned way. He takes it from sexually repressed little kids....

in return for their allowances, he fills their heads with meaning -- popsongs. Yeah.

I get so much shit for dancing naked. I am a very bad person. I am exploiting men.

Because my skin is wet with the scent of murder only I am afraid of jail and don’t wanna kill my real friends, I have decided to do the only sane thing: Direct all my negative energy towards you (telepathic hate hate) AND begin to murder you with words.

I HAVE CHOSEN YOU because you are a boring popstar who is merely repeating words in time. Because you are feeding the machine (unlike Tanya Donnely who is, afterall, feeding the tree) Because you are doing nothing that hasn’t been done before yet I am compelled to love you, and/or want to fuck you.

Part of the man’s master plan is that we will not only WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS but also he will prop cardboard cutouts up in front of himself in order that we will be distracted from our real enemies. After the cardboard cutout is filled with holes from our guns....


.........


Heirarchy is based on the idea that some people are naturally inclined to be on top and others to be on the bottom. This is an immutable fact of human nature. (sarcastic)

There are Stars in all walks of life. The white guy in the Porsche thinks he’s more of a star (as he locks his car door) than the homeless guy who is walking towards him.

Because I am closer to the thin, white, small nosed idea that advertising racists shove down our throats I am more of a star than the big girl at the party.

I wanna believe I deserve the attention I get but I know that what is considered "pretty" at any given time has everything to do with economics and maintaining groups of low paying workers.

By keeping certain groups of people feeling like shit and like they don’t deserve good housing or healthcare or respect or sexy points, the machine churns on, benefiting the elites, and tearing the arms off of anyone who won’t go along.


........


I am in a band ( a musical expressive group) where we are three women and one boy. And in this band we are routinely spit on and/or beat up.

The question from the interview guy goes:
1. " Why do you hate all men?"
2. "Why are you a stipper/whore for your job?"
3. "Who the fuck do you think you are anyway?"
4. "Tell me what yr Daddy did to you in graphic detail, now."v 5. Maybe I would rape you and beat you up if I had the chance only I am positing myself as a neutral reporter just now at this moment."

The question that is never asked or maybe even thought has to do with the fact that there are movies about girls getting murdered being played out all over my body PLUS I have been told to my face that I am a worthless human cunt who deserves to die and so why would I be anything but completely afraid???? Why would I wanna sit in the room with the journalist man ???? AND why would I be thinking about Evan Dando at all????


........


I fell in love with Evan because it seemed like the worst thing I could do at the time. I fell in love with Evan because it was totally uncool and pathetic which is how I felt inside. I fell in love with Evan because the band I am in started getting all this weird attention and I felt like he was the only one who would understand. I fell in love with Evan because sometimes I wish I was a boy and that the worst thing that ever happened to me was having too many girls like me. I fell in love with Evan because I wanted him to die and thought if Icould get him to love me I would show him what a broken heart really was. I fell in love with Evan because he is a total slut and everyone thinks its very cute, unlike when I was in jr hi and high school and the word "slut" followed me everywhere at arms length. I fell in love with Evan because I don’t do drugs and so I need other destructive pasttimes. I fell in love with Evan because I can’t deal with real boys barely at all and yet am wildly attracted their flat chests and strait hips (sometimes).

I fell in love with Evan because it kept my mind off of the REAL people who were hurting me. I fell in love with Evan cuz I never wanna take my clothes off for money again and I was thinking he might take care of me financially. I fell in love with Evan because I gave myself permission to go find out what gross cheesy smells lurk inside my mind. I fel l in love with Evan cuz its easier to project all my coolness onto some lame-ass boy than to risk being called selfish or vain by loving myself. I fell in love with Evan cuz I am guessing that he has a big dick. I fell in love with Evan cuz he just happened to be there on the day I went completely insane.
XOXOX

at left: images from My Life With Evan Dando Popstar, all by Kathleen Hanna

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